I think I have a lot to be thankful for this year, I have a job that I love, a husband whom I love, and friends who call me and make me think they are at my house when they are really in Calgary. I love my friends.
What I am MOST thankful for this weekend, though, has nothing to do with any of that. I am most thankful that I can be happy today. Because last year at this time, I was not happy. I was struggling with a bout of depression that I hid from everyone excet those closest to me. It lasted about 6 months before I sought help for it. I was tired of coming home, feeling hopeless, alone, and sad for no reason. I was tired of spending my evenings with my head in John-Mark's lap, crying into an ever-shrinking roll of toilet paper for no reason, and being unable to go out and have a good time. So I got help. Its been ten months since I started taking anti-depressants to treat a chemical imbalance in my brain. And today, I took my last pill. And I feel normal. And I have decided, on this very happy day, that I would share my story.
Its not easy (for me, at least) to come out and tell people about this. I have always felt as though people knew me as the one who was always joyful and laughing. And I was ashamed that I wasnt like that, for a time, and afraid that people would look at me differently because of it. I think it is interesting how society, and many Christians view depression as something that is the person's fault. They are crazy, or they arent trusting God enough, or they mustnt really know God if they are feeling that way, when, in reality, it can be, and often is a physical issue. My body just was unable to control the amount of hormones it produced.
So there you have it. I have no more secrets. It has been a crazy year, and I feel as though I have learned and grown a lot through it. And I have cerainly learned that I cant always rely on myself. Hopefully, God will use my story.
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9 comments:
thanks for sharing cassy,
and i will tell everyone that you were most thankful on the day that you ran into me at house of james!
Its true, Cooper... it really made my day.
Awww Cassy I liked this post, and I am glad you're happy.
I agree with the chemical imbalance thing - I went through that in high school and it's true that the pills balance everything. I hate how people look at it sometimes - I say this: If you had cancer wouldn't you take the medicine? Same thing.
LOVE YOU!!!
Sorry about that little trick... so have you gotten any registrations in for BooFest?
Have I? I dont get registrations for Boofest. Um... I am confused.
How can you be confused....you are having Cassy's Boofest...remember with me and ashley and jm....it will be a good boofest!!! Sorry about that little trick we played on you one day it may be true you never do know!!! Love You LOTS!!!
...and Gregory and Wilfred.
OH YEAH, hahaha. My own boofest. Ha. I forgot... nope, no more registrations. I think smaller is better anyways.... 1 week and 1 or 2 days!!!
Cassy, thanks for sharing about your journey. Hopefully it will help other people feel more brave to be honest about things that are "taboo" for Christians. We really have to work hard to change that perception. I'm so glad that in my circle of friends going for counselling and/or taking antidepressants is common and encouraged. But even so it is hard to admit you need help and then muster the energy and humility to go out and get it. I'm proud of you Cassy.
Aimee
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